Are You Notaninja?

Saw this over on Fark this morning so I had to check it out. Using a couple of photos from Notaninja here (Kevin with a mullet and Smooth Nate), I got the following results (top 3).

Kevin with a mullet: Emma Watson (60%), Audrey Tautou (59%), and Sharon Stone (57%). No guys. Sorry Kev!

Smooth Nate: Anna Lindh (68%), Ninet Tayeb (61%), Julie Andrews (60%). At least this time there were some guys as well, including Bill Gates (52%), Laurence Fishburne (51%), and Mel Gibson (51%). Yeah, I don’t see it either.

Ah, the fun of new toys for x-mas. Mario Kart DS is a wonderful addition to anyone who has a DS or has been long following the Mario Kart legacy across the systems. The game play is outstanding, with the kart performing/feeling/responding to the controls well. The graphical design and layout of the new courses is also very enjoyable. For those who like a little old school in their day, the game offers two circuits in each class (50cc, 100cc, 150cc) both the regular circuits (Mushroom, Flower, Star, and Special) and the retro circuits (also in Mushroom, Flower, Star, and Special) which features a course from each of the previous systems. (Snes, N64, GBA, and Game Cube). The sounds are good for the little machine, the maps are outstanding, and there’s even a bunch of gifts as you progress through the game. (More characters/karts!) A must own for MK lovers, so go out and buy the DS and game bundle pack if you don’t have a DS yet, and if you do, get the game.

-Goof Out

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel .. and it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i. e.

a. Both urinating
b. Both waiting in line, etc.
c. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

I’ve made some changes to the Blogger front end to handle what used to be done with frames. So you may see some weirdness once in a while. Let me know if you find anything horribly broken and I’ll try to fix it.

Bill

I know I have discussed this with a few people before, but what constitutes a “Significant Risk of Terrorist Attacks”?

I’m speaking of the nation’s threat level as displayed on the Department of Homeland Security’s webpage. According to that page we are under Yellow/Elevated Alert, which means we are at a significant risk of terrorist attack. What constitutes significant? The definition of significant (from dictionary.com) includes ‘having or likely to have a major effect; important’ and ‘fairly large in amount or quantity’. I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like there is a fairly large chance of terrorism right now. Maybe there is, but in that case shouldn’t our government be doing more to make us aware of what these could be so we can report them?

Based on the Citizen Guidance document (PDF available) we should take the recommended actions as listed below for level Yellow:

• Develop a family emergency plan. Share it with family and friends, and practice the plan. Visit www.Ready.gov for help creating a plan.
• Create an “Emergency Supply Kit” for your household.
• Be informed. Visit www.Ready.gov or obtain a copy of “Preparing Makes Sense, Get Ready Now” by calling 1-800-BE-READY.
• Know how to shelter-in-place and how to turn off utilities (power, gas, and water) to your home.
• Examine volunteer opportunities in your community, such as Citizen Corps, Volunteers in Police Service, Neighborhood Watch or others, and donate your time.
• Consider completing an American Red Cross first aid or CPR course, or Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) course.
• Review stored disaster supplies and replace items that are outdated.
• Be alert to suspicious activity and report it to proper authorities.
• Ensure disaster supply kit is stocked and ready.
• Check telephone numbers in family emergency plan and update as necessary.
• Develop alternate routes to/from work or school and practice them.
• Continue to be alert for suspicious activity and report it to authorities.

It looks like I have quite a bit of work ahead of me in becoming prepared.

I would also like to point out that the Threat Advisory only goes down to “Low Risk of Terrorist Attacks”. This means that we are always at some risk of attack. Maybe it’s the optimist in me but I would like to think that at some point we wouldn’t be at risk at all.

Suck on this Jack Thompson, and every other “It’s Not My Responsibility” parent out there who blames video games as the cause of their kids behaviors. Finally, a game that in no way possible could contribute to a childs behavior. Of course it comes from America’s number 2 news source (The Daily Show being number 1).

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43441

Goof Out

Check out this website to see what I mean. http://www.sawstop.com/ A tablesaw designed to stop and retract in a fifth of a second if it comes in contact with flesh. Finally, we can get woodshop back into the schools, and perhaps even have woodshop teachers with more than 6 fingers total. Check out the video to see what I mean.

And on the subject of cool things, another item worth the few seconds of checking for all the auto enthusiats out there..http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6514168251893889573 .. The Ariel Atom II. Looks like fun.

That’s it for today. Goof out.

That’s right. Old school verses new school. An online poll located at
http://reviews.cnet.com/4520-3000_7-6388175.html?tag=nl.e729
is comparing the two being released this christmas holiday season. (And if you take offense to my use of christmas rather than holiday, fuck off) Back to the point, the flashback offers the same beautiful 2600 graphics, gameplay, and games the original Atari offered. Compared to the visual spendor/self sastifying gameplay of the new 360, it would appear hey, if I had to choose between them, then go 360. However, the beautiful thing is, price has an impact, and so does nostalgia. True gamers can draw their roots back to the 2600. Sure, everyone in their childhood had a Nintendo, but only the purest had the games from before. And for those of us who had pong, we own the top of the mountain. Anyway, go and vote for your preference, and see the lovely results ( I won’t spoil it for you.)

Krista received this from a friend at work. I laughed so hard I had to put it up for you. If you’ve seen it before on another website, then you should commit sepeku. Chuck Norris does not apologize!

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris won ‘Jumanji’ without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris’ girlfriend once asked him how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Chuck Norris then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her through. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!”. Two years and five months later, he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundered mile radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn’t a big deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different types of cancer. Chuck Norris then rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wise man, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck Norris omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kicked related deaths.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…..horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, it is because he has run out of women.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from a roundhouse death.

Macyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, rather then the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was “more humane”.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot down an Iraqi plane with his finger, by pointing at it and yelling “Bang!”.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.

Chuck Norris doesn’t understand why should should consult a doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for 15 days.

The original theme song to Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and stared Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug dealing Decepticons and turn turn into a pick-up. This was far to much awesome for a single show, so it was divided into two.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says “Two seconds till.” after you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Filming on location for Texas Ranges, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking it’s neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, the good Chuck taketh away.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000%.

Chuck Norris recently changed his middle name to “Fucking”.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie “Back to the Future” the used Chuck Norris’ Delorean to go back into time and into the future. Then they gave it back to him with a scratch, he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson’s disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and vodka.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn’t was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn need to lie the fuck down!

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects. Chuck Norris could kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only known man to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said “Holy Crap! That’s Chuck Norris!” Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.

After years of dontaing songs to this wonderful site, they have finally seen it in their good graces to allow my voice to no-longer be censored. Which means it’s about that time for you to go find that hamster site. Since I try to find a new way to procrastinate each day, this should lead to a lot more regular updates (and by regular I mean like Nancy’s trips around the block, you could program sputnik with that kind of timing!). So now that I am here, what first, why I think we should kick it off with a new installment of Goof’s lyrics for today! Yay. So here’s a diddy that inspired Nickelback’s current hit, Photograph. Wrote back in the uptown era….

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Goof’s head

And this is where I threw up
I think the restaurent owner cleaned it up
He never knew we had left without
The bill unpaid as we were sneaking out

And this is where Ed saw the B

Of the public city library

He couldn’t unzip his pants thankfully,
Though better it then him trying with me

I know that it’s not too late
Took eight year, but had to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
In the apartment off of Hennepin

Oh oh oh oh
Oh God I, I

Every memory of looking out the bedroom door
I’d see the mice fighting the ants on the kitchen floor
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

Every memory of Evan walking out of his door
I was thankful of the times he was fully clothed,
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

Remember the Embers across the street
Blew every dollar eating their burnt meat
The upstairs was always moving in and out
We should have gone up and beat them down

We used to play games on the dreamcast
And see how long we could each last
We said someday Drew would know how it feels
To sit right behind the steering wheel

I’ve forgot about the girls I kissed
I was so glad about the relationships I missed
Some of us have gotten married since then
And best of all we’re still good friends,

Oh oh oh oh
Oh God I, I

Every memory of looking out the bedroom door
I’d see the mice fighting the ants on the kitchen floor
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

Every memory of Evan walking out of his door
I was thankful of the times he was fully clothed,
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

I miss uptown
I miss the faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the bedroom door
I’d see the mice fighting the ants on the kitchen floor
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

Every memory of Evan walking out of his door
I was thankful of the times he was fully clothed,
It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye goodbye

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me

Word. Goofdawg out.